be all there

“Are you going to have a third?”

“Have you finished having children?”

These are questions that I get asked on an almost weekly basis.  Questions I am comfortable to answer, but questions that do make me wonder.  What is it about having children or getting married (or being in a committed relationship) that makes you fair game?

I had this conversation with a friend recently.  She has not been married too long and almost immediately the questions started.  “When will you start having children?”.  Or once you’ve had one, “when is the next coming?”… and the next, and so on.

I appreciate that people are curious.  And that’s ok.  But what about those that have been unsuccessfully trying for many months?  Perhaps in this instance, our curiosities are best keep inside.

Sometimes when I answer these questions, I feel the need to justify my answers… but why?  Why should we ever have to justify the life choices we make?


This post isn’t so much about the questions we are asked.  But my answer.

Do I want another baby?

A big part of me wants to say no.  We have two, beautiful, healthy children and are blessed to experience life with both a boy and a girl.  Life feels very settled.  Happy.  Content.  And so full of love.

And yet another part of me wonders if we really are truly done.

Less than a month ago, my little brother and his wife welcomed their first child.  My nephew.  The loveliest little boy who made me an official blood related aunt for the first time.  What a joy it has been.  The minute I met him, I could feel my ovaries working in overdrive.

Babies!  Oh babies!  That smell.  Those tiny little feet.  Those funny little baby sounds.  Could I do it all again?  I don’t know.  I still have so much more love inside me.  Is that love that should go towards a third child, or is it love I can use in other areas, like with my business or family adventures?

I don’t know.

And my point here, is that I may not ever know.  And that’s ok.

Some women know.  They feel it.  They are done.  And some will always wonder – what if?  Both answers are what is right for them, and that makes them the right answer.  We do what we feel is best.

For me, I feel I could dance around this subject for days.  Years even.  Will we, won’t we?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  I’m not sure the answer matters right now.

The important thing though, is now.

The big decisions in life will continue to present themselves to us.  To buy that house, to get that car, to apply for that job, to move to that city, to have that baby.  But until that time comes, how can you know?

Being here is what matters.  Delighting in the now.  Trusting in both the present and what is around the corner.
Turning my focus from futuristic curiosity, to a gratitude for what I already have.  Because at the end of the day, this is the moment that counts.  What we are presently experiencing.

I want to focus on what I have right now.  My husband, our two little ones + the life we have created as a family of four.  I want to savour these precious moments.

As for the future?  What will be, will be.  I’m more than ok with not having an answer.

But when those big questions do get asked, a simple “I don’t know”, can often be the only answer you need.

With love,
Amelia xx

7 Comments on BABY?… MAYBE?… :: MY MAMA LIFE

  1. Leah
    March 16, 2015 at 3:00 pm (3 years ago)

    i hate it when I get asked this! I hate that I feel judged and as you say, have to justify my answer!! What if we only want one child?? Society makes me feel like it’s not “enough”! I have two friends who have had to have IVF! I don’t know how people can be soooo nosy! I even had people ask me if I breastfed Chloe when she was born! Whose business is it of theirs? Also when I was pregnant I had a random lady I’ve never met tell me what to rub on my “area” to help stretching during labour. I wish people would butt out! That way we could all feel more confident in our decisions! Rant over ha ha

    Reply
  2. Sally
    March 16, 2015 at 3:11 pm (3 years ago)

    We too were blessed with the perfect girl and then boy but I still felt after almost 3 years I wasn’t certain I was done. But after our 3rd a blessed beautiful crystal child, who did fulfill and complete our family, I felt contentment in that area of our lives. It was busy, but it opened my heart further, started my own business a few years later and it is now 10 years on. I think you know and it’s no one else’s business really x

    Reply
    • Amelia
      March 22, 2015 at 12:33 pm (3 years ago)

      I think you’re absolutely right lovely. xx

      Reply
  3. Diana Braybrooke -The Butterfly House
    March 16, 2015 at 3:14 pm (3 years ago)

    Yep, I had this because it was 5 years into the marriage and two (nearly three) before we were actually able to fall pregnant. In the end I was just really honest but then that ended up with all the ‘how to fall pregnant’ advice. The whole ‘just relax’ got pretty old. And now I am pregnant, the scaremongering stories are out there and when I’ve told them I’m ‘hypnobirthing’ and I feel really relaxed about the whole labour thing I get scoffed at.

    We’ve also ha the whole why are you still renting (ummm because we like to travel and spend it on that alright?) I agree with you. I find myself trying to justify everything when we don’t need to. Thank you for the reminder.

    Reply
    • Amelia
      March 22, 2015 at 12:35 pm (3 years ago)

      I say we just do our thing. Haters will hate, judgers will judge. As long as we are confident in our decisions, we shouldn’t need to justify them. 🙂 Happy pregnancy lovely – such a magical time. xx

      Reply
  4. Abi
    March 18, 2015 at 10:25 am (3 years ago)

    Oh no, when do the questions about life choices stop?! I get “when are you getting married” all the time about me and my partner. Every time I’m asked it I feel like people are pitying me that he hasn’t asked me yet. Especially the “oh I’m sure it’s not far off”. I’m very happy and secure in my relationship yet can’t shake off others expectations of where I should be. I thought if we were to get married the questioning would stop, but thanks for making me aware it just will change to “where’s the babies??”. Oh dear!

    Reply
    • Amelia
      March 22, 2015 at 12:36 pm (3 years ago)

      Haha. One day I’m sure it’ll be “when are you going to retire?”. Not sure it will ever end. 🙂 But that’s ok. As you say, as long as you’re happy and confident in your own life – that’s all that matters! xx

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comment *