Well hello there, beautiful!
Remember me? How long it has been since I’ve visited this space.
It feels good to be here once again.
I seem to do this with my blogging. Stop, start, stop, start. Pledge to do things better, to do abcd, and then have things fizzle out. So I took time out (again). But this time, I have spent the past few months doing a whole lotta soul searching.
I asked myself a lot of questions… What did I really want out of this space? Why do I get to a certain point and feel the need to step away? What was it I loved about blogging in the first place?
I actually didn’t know the answers straight away. But I trusted that I would find them in good time.
In the past few weeks in particular, I have really tried to be mindful + present. My word for 2016, is MINDFUL after all. 😉
And I think I’ve done a beautiful job of living in the moment. Of truly being. And I have really noticed the difference in how I live my life. Less force, more flow. Softer. Lighter. Life has felt like one long, deep, delicious *sigh*.
I have been doing this whole “self development thing” for a few years now. Which basically means that I am trying to be the best version of myself possible. Sometimes I take humongous steps forward. And sometimes I stay a little stagnant. Sometimes the lessons need repeating. But what I’ve come to realise is that that’s perfect. That’s how it’s meant to be. That’s life. We never wake up one day and say “hey, I’m completely awesome now and forever”. It’s an ongoing process, and it will be forever more.
I first started blogging in 2010. 6 years ago. And as a new Mum at the time, it was a place for me to connect and to share. I adored it.
Then I went through a huge transformation and wanted to share more, so naturally my space evolved along with me. And from there, organically I grew my business.
When I find something new that I love, I am all in. Impulsive, passionate and filled with excitement. Then I learn something new, and I dive into that. Hopping from one pool to another. Eagerly awaiting the next new thing. My school reports used to say I was “easily distracted”… Is that a shiny new object I see?!
The thing I’ve come to realise about the online world, is that it’s so very easy to get swept up in the next new thing. Or in what other people are doing. And then feel like we should be doing the same thing.
I know now that that’s part of the reason why I kept taking breaks. I kept thinking that I wasn’t good enough. That what I had to say didn’t matter. That I had to keep up with what was next. That I have to be like “such and such”. What was the point?
No wonder I didn’t feel inspired to be here. I wasn’t aligned with my own creativity. I was forcing myself in to a box that I wasn’t sure I belonged in. I never stopped to take a moment and feel my way into what was right for me.
And to be completely honest, when my website became part of my business, I felt enormous pressure to turn it into something bigger than it ever needed to be. I felt pressure to have posts that changed the world. Put a dollar value on something, and suddenly things change (something I am working on!).
My creative spirit shut down.
Though this time out, I felt my creative spirit shine through (thanks largely to reading the sensational Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert!). This time, I stopped long enough to actually listen to what that voice was telling me. You love blogging, Amelia. You love to connect with people online. You love to share the things that make you feel good, in the hopes they make others feel good too. Go back to what makes YOU feel good.
So here I am today. No bold declarations. Just me. As it should be.
Writing for me. As it should be.
I love writing. It is part of who I am. And I want to get back to the core of what made me start blogging in the first place – CONNECTING, SHARING, LEARNING.
What feels right for me.