“Are you going to have a third?”
“Have you finished having children?”
These are questions that I get asked on an almost weekly basis. Questions I am comfortable to answer, but questions that do make me wonder. What is it about having children or getting married (or being in a committed relationship) that makes you fair game?
I had this conversation with a friend recently. She has not been married too long and almost immediately the questions started. “When will you start having children?”. Or once you’ve had one, “when is the next coming?”… and the next, and so on.
I appreciate that people are curious. And that’s ok. But what about those that have been unsuccessfully trying for many months? Perhaps in this instance, our curiosities are best keep inside.
Sometimes when I answer these questions, I feel the need to justify my answers… but why? Why should we ever have to justify the life choices we make?
This post isn’t so much about the questions we are asked. But my answer.
Do I want another baby?
A big part of me wants to say no. We have two, beautiful, healthy children and are blessed to experience life with both a boy and a girl. Life feels very settled. Happy. Content. And so full of love.
And yet another part of me wonders if we really are truly done.
Less than a month ago, my little brother and his wife welcomed their first child. My nephew. The loveliest little boy who made me an official blood related aunt for the first time. What a joy it has been. The minute I met him, I could feel my ovaries working in overdrive.
Babies! Oh babies! That smell. Those tiny little feet. Those funny little baby sounds. Could I do it all again? I don’t know. I still have so much more love inside me. Is that love that should go towards a third child, or is it love I can use in other areas, like with my business or family adventures?
I don’t know.
And my point here, is that I may not ever know. And that’s ok.
Some women know. They feel it. They are done. And some will always wonder – what if? Both answers are what is right for them, and that makes them the right answer. We do what we feel is best.
For me, I feel I could dance around this subject for days. Years even. Will we, won’t we? Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not sure the answer matters right now.
The important thing though, is now.
The big decisions in life will continue to present themselves to us. To buy that house, to get that car, to apply for that job, to move to that city, to have that baby. But until that time comes, how can you know?
Being here is what matters. Delighting in the now. Trusting in both the present and what is around the corner.
Turning my focus from futuristic curiosity, to a gratitude for what I already have. Because at the end of the day, this is the moment that counts. What we are presently experiencing.
I want to focus on what I have right now. My husband, our two little ones + the life we have created as a family of four. I want to savour these precious moments.
As for the future? What will be, will be. I’m more than ok with not having an answer.
But when those big questions do get asked, a simple “I don’t know”, can often be the only answer you need.