unspecified-7Hey you.

Can I just let out a big juicy sigh.  It feels good to be here.  After a couple of weeks of deep healing, intergration and then illness, it feels good to feel like me again.  A fresh version too.  Perhaps we are now up to Amelia version 32.5?

Anyway.  There has been a lot of my mind lately.  So I thought I would share a little about what’s been happening.

::  New digs

I love my online home.  But it doesn’t quite feel like me yet.  And I know I only recently gave it a little make over, but it’s just not right.  Change is required.

Much to the annoyance of my husband, I’m one of those people who perpetually moves around the furniture in the house each season.
Seriously, where does that super human strength come from that I’m able to move whole dining tables on my own?!

This shows up on my blog too.  Because I like change.  And I like my outer world to reflect my inner world.  Some people say we need a little consistency in the look of our “brand”.  But what is your brand if it doesn’t feel like you?

Watch this space.

::  Following my curiosity

I’ve got some big themes running around my mind at the moment.  Concepts that my soul is yearning to explore.  Ways of living I am longing to dive deeper into…

This has been a big theme in my life over the past few months.  A lot of the big internal work I have been doing has been around the feminine.  My relationship with the divine feminine energy, my relationships with other women, my relationship to nature, and my relationship to my own femininity.

I’m not going to lie, it’s been pretty big/scary/deep stuff.  But incredibly profound too.  In being able to let go of old patterns and previous pain, I have been given the opportunity to create a beautiful space to really explore what feminine/goddess/mother energy means to me, and how I want to live my life in connection to this.

For years now, I have been exploring the world of spirituality/personal growth.  I’ve absorbed so much information, yet now it’s time to really explore what it all means for me.

How does the divine feminine relate to the individual that I already am?
How does it relate to the person I want to be in this lifetime?
How can I create purely from this womb energy?
What does sisterhood mean for me?
What about the “village” or tribe that we, as women, so deeply long for?
What brings me true pleasure?
How can I not only live my live in alignment with my own feminine/mother earth cycles, but how can I be transformed by them?

Big questions.

It’s delicious and juicy and lovely and exciting and all the things.  I’m leaning into this all in such a big way, and I’m looking forward to seeing where it will take me.

I’m also loving revisiting old books.  Books that have guided me in growth over the last few years, that have suddenly taken on a whole new meaning.  Words that I embraced before, have now been ingrained in my being.

For example, over the weekend I devoured The Four Agreements again.  A book I’ve read before, but a concept I am now ready to fully embody.

It’s funny how sometimes we read things at the right time, and then sometimes we read them again at the exact perfect time.  Oh life.  🙂

How can I be more me than ever before?  Despite working whole-heartedly on being the best I can be, something has still held me back.  Something was still niggling, telling me to dim my light.

But I don’t feel that way anymore.

Maybe it’s the Four Agreements (Don’t take anything personally).  Maybe it’s just growing up.  But I don’t feel the need to please so much anymore.  Something has shifted.

Of course I want to be a good person.  But I also want to live my life for me.  And that requires me to stretch out of my comfort zone and truly embrace the totality of who I am.  No more hiding away parts of myself for fear of judgment.

… I can see how these curiosities tie beautifully together.

::  Writing

It’s back.  But it’s more fierce than ever before.  I have always loved to write.  But like a lot of things, I have dabbled.  Dipping my toes in, and then retreating when it got a little too uncomfortable.

But over the past few months of healing and deep inner work, writing has been my comfort.  It’s been the healing modality I didn’t need to pay for.  It has been my non-judgmental sidekick, allowing me to explore and question and feel safe.

The more I have written… the more I have wanted to write (funny that).

With unintentional action, has come a flow of inspiration.  Words have filled my head and I have ideas popping up all over the place.  And I am loving every second of it.

Then comes my ego… “But you’re a busy Mum, you work part time, and you are a proven “dabbler”.  You don’t have time to write as much as you want to.  This is just a phase.”

Well to that, dear ego, I say – no, I don’t aways have time.  But if it’s important to me, I can make time.  If the words are there and desperately pouring out – I can let them.  I can take notes.  I can juggle.  And I can try.  Will I be consistent?  No.  But I don’t always need to be.

Sometimes, blog posts just need to be written and published (like today, and my last post), because a greater force requires it.  Sometimes ideas will sit there and marinate.  And sometimes they will flitter in and out of our consciousness on their own terms.  I’m trusting in it all.

Always do your best.  Another of the four agreements.  I love how the book describes our “best”.  Because our best changes.  Moment to moment, day by day.  My best fluctuates at different times of the day, through different cycles and seasons, and can be influenced by my body and how it’s feeling too.

As long as I do my best in every moment, well that’s all I can ask for.  And when it comes to writing, I want to do my very best.

And that, dear friends, is a much longer update than I expected.  But nevertheless, this is where I am at.

It all feels so good.  It is filled with grace and light and expansion and flow.  It doesn’t so much feel like change is in the air, as it does transformation.  I believe that I am going to finish this year a completely different woman to the one who started it.

If it feels good for you, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
What curiosities are you following right now?  Do you feel a sense of transformation in the air?  

With love, as always.

Author: Amelia

Inspired by words, kindness, Mother Nature, humanness, family and love.
Writing. Sharing. Creating. Living.

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2 thoughts on “I can only do my best

  1. Hi gorgeous, yes transformation and embrace are the feelings and energy around me also. It’s all quite uncomfortable but none the less appreciated as needed by my Soul. I am grateful for your words and sharing,here’s cheers to an exciting last few months of 2016!

    Posted on October 24, 2016 at 4:02 pm
  2. I’m so glad to see you back spreading the love and inspiration.
    Yes transformation is definitely in the air for me at the moment, i feel like i’ve dabbled a lot over the last 2 years and well i’m definitely not where i envisioned i would be, so it’s time for me to stand my truth and try to call my ego out on her crap that has been holding me back all this time.

    Thanks for sharing your journey xx

    Posted on October 24, 2016 at 9:53 pm